My Mitochondria results explained

A woman on the Phoenix rising website kindly explained my Mitochondria results in baby terms to me. Here is what she said;


Hi Rosa, i can see now where we talked about your mito results before - it was in your previous blog, sorry i hadnt remembered (brain is not my strong point these days!)
Ive read through your results and they are very very similar to all the others i have read, sometimes minor differences, but essentially ATP (energy) production not working properly, low antioxidant and mineral status and blockages in the translocator protein membrane (the shunt that moves ATP across the membranes in order for the ATP or 'energy' to be used by the body.

Basically your body is not making energy correctly (it is not known why though) which makes you extremely exhausted, you also are not rcycling ATP properly, which the body normally does so you have to make it new, this can take a few days so explains the energy lag with it taking a few days to recover from a minor setback.also you have a low antioxidant status (CO Q10 etc) which will make you feel generally ill, accelerates ageing and causes problems for the immune system. The B12 injections should provide a general immediate antioxidant 'cover' for your body and they were the best thing i ever did - be careful though with the supplements and try then out at lower doses one at a time to see how you go with them. The B12 was too high a dose for me, but alongside the magnesium the best one i have taken ( i self injest B12, but take oral mag) you are also low in other things such as minerals. This could be because of not enough stomache acid, hence low iron as well. Dr M's minerals are now available in spray on form which bypasses the gut and i recommend. I also have dioleins on my TP membranes, but i dont know how to understanf or deal with this, and from your letter and mine im not sure that DR M does either.

Infact our results are very similar - you have less ATP production than me, but i have higher cell free DNA and also some gene blockages on SODase which made my score a bit lower than yours at 25/30 out of 100 on the scale. The scale is i think useful, because it tells you what level of acitivty you ought to be aiming for - usually lower than we think!
I would follow her recomendations for the supplements, especailly B12 magnesium amd minerals, then add in the others slowly - i cant tolerate D Ribose at all as it is too stimulating and affects my hypoglycaemia - but we are all different.

She also wants you to sort out sleep as she sees this as a very important piece for recovery and alongside very strict pacing are the first things to put in place - i do agree with this strongly as most of my gains are lost if i dont sleep well or if i over do things.

She notes that your Thyroid levels are in the low end of bnormal, but says to address that at a later stage (she will probably offer you a trial of thyroxine at some stage)- she also suggests detoxing using FAR sauna ( a type of mat you buy and use to gently warm fat layers to release toxins) once you have other things in place and are feeling a bit better, in the meantime you must drasticalloy reduce your exposure to chemicals such as make up, cleaning fluids etc.
i cant think of anything else right now - i am happy to answer questions or provide my take on things if you need it.
Take care, Justy.

Christmas gifts from Father pony

My little tree

I know it probably seems a little weird to some, somebody who can't ride asking for jodphurs for Christmas. But I figured that people who don't ski wear skiing jackets + people who don't dance wear ballet pumps so why shouldn't people who don't ride wear jodphurs

The ones I'm wearing are from the Townend range I've been a pony nut since I was about 11, subscribing to magazines, playing games, watching it on tv, going on forums. But I haven't had any chance to actually ride sadly. Its difficult when half the time your so weak + dizzy its a struggle to sit, propped up, in bed never mind on a horse

My dream pony would be a bay caspian. Caspians are small horses, suited to small adults with very graceful paces from the Caspian mountains

Reflections on recovery

I have been doing Dr Myhills protocol of supplements,  sprays and detoxing for a couple of months now. I think it might be making a small difference but I feel stuck. After years of peuseudo recoveries + relapses, I'm scared to try and improve. I also don't feel I know how to though I have lots of plans for when I'm better.
My symptoms are currently; wind, hypersensitive to light + sound, little appetite, tiredness after exertion, headaches occasionly, insommnia occasionly, muscle weakness

A typical day;

• 7:20 Look at book/mag, cuddle Herbert, check E-mails, drink
• Rest for 30-40 min
• Breakfast while listening to music/story
• Rest for 30-40 min
• Get up with help
• Yoga rest for 40-50 min
• Crochet, Watch fish/birds, Cuddle Herbert
• Lunch while listen
• Rest for 3 hours
• Drink, exercises, Computer/tv, Cuddle Herbert, listen
• Tea
• Listen untill bedtime at 8:15

I have a physio that cones on Weds

So what I want to know is; How long did it take you for the protocol to take affect? How did you manage to get better?

I appriciate its difficult to advise me as I haven't told you my particular problems yet but I'll try to scan + copy the letter ASAP

Dr Myhill

I have been transferred to a new Dr, Dr Sarah Myhill. She is redoing my Mitochondria tests because apparently Dr Wight, for some odd reason, didn't test them for everything possible.

We finally arranged for the district nurses to come last Tuesday to do blood tests for a few things my local drs should have done 11 years ago and worst of all my Mitochondria ATTP profile.

What frightens me is it showing up clear, no abnormalities. Know that sounds daft but I feel so sick whenever any suggestion is made there is nothing biologically wrong with me. Like trapped. And the thought I could have somehow prevented my past 11 bad years is devestating.

Its daft because I've already had some mitochondria tests which showed abnormalities. Dr Myhill wasn't even bothered about doing this test but my parents wanted me have it to kinda prove to me I was ill

I wish I was mentally ill, least then I'd have a kinda condition. I hate this being niether

Newbies

I have a new laptop, a mac pro 2. Its very luxurious. So quiet like a sports car, and so fast. I particularly like the pages application. It comes with lots of handy templates and looks as if it will be very helpful for my campaigns. I'm also planning to write some novels with it. I also have a new cross roads lady. She comes once a month to help me look after my demented guinea pig while my parents go out. That I'm not so pleased about. I mean I don't mind her personally, she reminds me of a Eliza Dolittle song, just don't like feeling like a child or being reminded how disabled I am

Goings on at number 6 Plummer Close

Since starting the LDN again I've begun to recover from my latest nausea-initated relapse. Afterwards I'd felt shattered, dizzy and full of fog; dry, flemghy mouth; unable to speak; hypersensitive to light and sound; headachy; and I even had some leg muscle pain which I haven't for years! Though it wasn't that bad and could have been due to cramp. Since the LDN though my dizziness, fog, tiredness and headache have improved. I've managed a little blogging, foruming and sewing, spoken a few words and sat in the garden.

I've lost a lot of weight and am struggling to put it back on again due to tiredness and my stomach has shrunk so I become full quickly. Its a struggle to eat even a normal amount to stay alive. Apparently if I continue the way I am my body will start turning my muscle into energy instead. So its important I maxamise every mouthful I take calorie-wise.

I've got to drink fortisips which are utterly revolting.




I've also been consuming a lot of stinging nettles!! I was advised to do so by a herbalist whom my Mum met at a workshop. (I intended to go, but was too ill, so my Mum went in my stead.) I have nettle and apple juice tonic for breakfast and nettle soup for tea. They're rich in many vits and minerals including A + C, potassium, iron, and calcium

Surgery, relapse and a death; the week my life fell to peices again

Hi all in cyberspace, sorry I haven't posted for a while.

So lets start with the surgery. On a Tuesday a couple of weeks ago I
went to the dentists to have the hole in my tooth filled in. I was
already struggling - the tooth infection had left me with an upset
tummy and tired. My Scoliosis had also been playing up badly making
resting difficult. Afterwards I went home and did pratically nothing
for the rest of the day apart from giving my guinea pig, Barney, a
cuddle. Little did I realise it'd be my last one.

In the evening, after I'd gone to bed I became violently nauseus. I
vomited and wretched constantly, literally every 5 mins, for about the
next 12 hours. The situation was only made worse by the fact I had
nothing to actually vomit on. My tummy became very sore and it was a
long time before I could even manage a small drink. It was also very
frightening. It reminded me of the ME symptom I had when I was little.
I think it was a recurrance of it though the doctors said it was just
indigestion or a bug. Needless to say neither of these doctors
actually saw me in the flesh

I'd only just started to recover from this, and realise I wasn't going
to die from dehydration after all, then I was forced to confront the
spectre of death again. Barney became very ill. My Mum rushed to him
the vets.The vet couldn't examine him properly though as his mouth was
full of saliva. She thought the only thing to do was put him under
anesthetic. This is very dangerous for guinea pigs but after tearful
discussion over the phone, which was hampered by my struggling to
talk, we agreed to go ahead. He survived it but died that night

I've been pretty rough since

Apoligies if this isn't the happiest of posts

x

Teeth and bones

I'm currently recovering from a tooth infection. It was caused by a hole in my tooth according to my dentist. It was the first time I'd seen him in eleven years and, I'm pleased to report, all my teeth are in very good condition considering with this one pain-in-the-neck (or more correctly tooth) exception. I have big, gappy ones which helps a lot!

One small piece of (not too chewy) food for thought for you all though. My dentist, when I went to see him was more sympathetic about my ME than any of my GPs are or have ever been. Don't you think that is odd? My Dad says its probably because you pay to see a dentist so they're more charming towards you to attract more customers like a business, though he also added that Mr Little is a particularly able one. If you don't like them you can go somewhere else. Drs will get paid regardless of how many patients they have or how they treat them so don't have as much incentive to be decent. What does that say about our health service?

Examples of their helpfulness; he arranged to have the appointment in the hygienists room downstairs so I didn't have to struggle with the two flights of stairs; came out to greet us while we were waiting and assured they'd get round to us as soon as possible; asked me if there was anything that frightened me; also about my benefits if I qualified for a free visit which I didn't; kept up a constant stream of chatter like a comedians patter the whole time; said how my was my ME, and it was lovely to see me after all this time

It  almost made it worth having toothache for a week! It was pretty awful though, much worse than it looked as it was inside my tooth. He was very cautious about giving me antibiotics but, after a couple of sleepless night and foodless days, I eventually succumbed to them and am still living with the consequences. It also left me feeling very drained.

The one good thing is that they can fill it in (or the cheaper option, remove it) so I don't have to endure it again. Second good thing the ff 'News, Views, Campaigns and Petitions forum has reopened under the watchful eyes of my gd friend Firestormm and the equally lovely Cahzz who I mentioned in my last post. Thank you so much fire for persauding them!

What do you think of my new background? It is one of my pics   

The art of disapointments

I'm disapointed about a couple of things atm.

Firstly Foggy Friends has closed its 'News, Views, Campaigns and Petitions forum, because its too difficult to moderate apparently, so I can no longer so easily keep up with the latest ME news or debate issues close to my heart. Its true I read the ME Research and Invest in ME newsletters but my main avenue of socialising with other sufferers is now closed off. I always thought they were such a democratic, well moderated bunch of folks too

I've been complaining about it to a man called cazzh who offered to moderate it so it could be reopened. Needless to say they took no interest;

Hi,

Just read your comment on the closing down of the 'News, etc' forum and would like to say I'd really appreciate it if you either moderated the forum so it could be reopened or started something else like it for people like me who want to have serious discussions can do.

Because we, as an ME community, need to have serious discussions. So that the parents of 22 year year old women like Joanne Butler aren't persecuted to the extent they have to leave their home, when their daughter dies of natural causes, because people refuse to admit ME is a fatal disease. So that children and severely affected adults aren't torn away from their loving families to be tortured in mental hospitals. So that people like 19 year old Alison Hunter don't die of mutiple, horrendous abnormalities that wouldn't be out of place in a sci-fi film. So that children like me don't grow up bedridden in a blacked out room with triple glazing

We need to help all our fellow sufferers on a world wide level, not just a personal one. There is more serious things than a few hard words and hurt feelings at stake

There are things that can help us but we need to fight for them. We all deserve a point of view so that we can all benefit in the way we need.

There are enough ME chat rooms for the pretty ones who only want to chat about craft, shopping and kittens. We need somewhere where those who want to fight can debate, exchange ideas and support each other and those that really suffer

Thank you

Rosa x
His reply;

Hi Rosa and thanks for you message. I thought nobody had noticed my posts actually, lol!

Well I offered help and was contacted by no-one privately plus then one of the mods stated on the thread that they were not looking to expand the team etc? Well I have plenty of experience to offer where moderating difficult topics on busy forums is concered but they would rather carry on just closing threads down and removing boards instead so I shan't be offering again. As for running my own forum, that is a hell of a lot of work (have done it before - not ME related) and is not a job for just one person. It is not that easy to get 'good' mods either though with the pet forum I ran back then, I knew all of my mods in real life too and also gave them some training.

I agree with you that we should be able to discuss serious topics but now it seems that anything that remotely resembles 'politics' is going to get suppressed. Why we can not be treated like adults and be moderated properly instead of them taking the easy way and just not allowing important, serious topics is quite beyond me but at the end of the day, it is their forum and they can run it any way they like. If they want to kill the forum slowly by refusing to allow civilised debate under the guidance of experienced and impartial mods then that's their look out.

I may start my own ME political forum so if you'd be interested in that, let me know!

Another source of irritation is my local GPs. They've shown no interest in the results of Dr Wights tests, never offer me any interest or support, didn't even fill in my prescription for LDN. Basically they're a waste of time. I'm finally going to leave them though. So we soldier on...

All that and toothache on top :p

Writing on

I recently completed the 'Are you ready for science study?' quiz on the OU website. To my surprise, though I got all the maths questions correct first time, I struggled much more with the English ones. The English involved reading a piece of text and then answering questions on the content and picking the correct summarys. I've discovered I'm rubbish at summarising, its surpriseingly hard!

So I've been practising my English via the BBC skillwise website  http://www.bbc.co.uk/skillswise/words/grammar/

I've also wriiten an essay. The subject had to be your 'Ideal something' so I wrote about my ideal dream to emigrate to Canada

My Ideal place

Impressions;

My main impressions of Canada come from TV programmes and photos. Everything there seems to be wild, cold, vast and towering. Its fauna is magnificent, with the last roaming wolf packs being its chief attraction as well as beavers, bison, elk and bears. It also has a great variety of wildflowers. Unfortunately it is all under threat from habitat destruction and climate change

My reasons;

I’d like to emigrate there because I’m told its very clean and has a great outdoor culture which would suit me fine. I’d like to help preserve its unique wilderness as well.

The Canadian consensus document;

Canada is one of the few countries in the world that treat ME with the seriousness it deserves. They seem to be a very contempary people. The Canadian Consensus document is the best written and informed guidelines for diagnosing and treating ME in the world (I’ve just been reading it and it made me gasp, it was so good). Importantly they put a great deal of emphasis on mental and physical fatigue which worsens with exercise rather than just emphasising fatigue. Everyone gets fatigued. In comparison studies its been proven that people diagnosed according to the Canadian Consensus compared with other diagnostic criteria are far more physically impaired and have more neurocognitive and neurological symptoms. This also means physicians and health care providers take it much more seriously. My ME would be much better treated and viewed if I lived in Canada.

Btw what do people think of my new color scheme?

Hope your all AWAP :)    

OU funding

So I've finally got all my equipment ready to start next Sat. For this course I received a book and a DVD as my study materials from the OU, and have bought a bright yellow ( lovely color!) box file, three highlighter pens, a copy of 'The Good Study guide' and a book on lichen. I've been informed that they place a lot of emphasis on lichen in this course

I can't get any financial support for this course as you need to be studying 30 credits a year before you can apply. You get 10 credits for a Level 1 course so you'd need to be studying three a year or higher level courses to pass. I think there was some other catch but I can't remember what

The course involves five activities, mostly pratical which is good. Also you have to submit 10 Identifications to iSpot. At the end you have a assessment (EMA) which consists of a quiz and a 300 word essay on your field study

I'm already a member of iSpot, see link   http://www.ispot.org.uk/

Beggining studies with the OU

Ok, not the most imaginative title I know, but it does what it says on the tin as you might say. Its the first formal education I've attempted in 11 years unless you count the casual maths and English lessons my Mum has given me most week days since I was well enough. I've also been on some adult learning workshops run by Suffolk Wildlife Trusts. It was mostly due to these that prompted me to decide to try a OU course and which one.

The course I've chosen to start with is a short science one called 'Neighbourhood nature'. It is all about learning to identify and record the wildlife in your local area. I mainly chose it because it won't be all computer work. Also I enjoy watching nature such as the birds and butterflies in our back garden and visiting nature reserves but have never tried recording what I see before so thought it'd be useful to learn how to. Its run in partnership with OPAL and iSpot. I'm already a member of iSpot but have only submitted one record before so hopefully this course will force me to be a bit more dedicated.

Its meant to be very disabled friendly university as it is nearly all done from home so no travelling, having to negotiate awkward buildings and you can fit your learning around your own time. It asks on the registration form if you have a disability and if you ring 'yes' they automoatically send you a copy of their 'Meeting your needs' brochure detailing all their services for disabled people

Unfortunately even though I definitely said yes, some error occurred whilst it was being processed and they managed not to register this important detail. This meant my Mum had to phone up our local branch to correct them and ask for a copy of the brochure. Still it was very interesting when it did come. I'm now awaiting a comb-backed copy of my study book which hopefully will be easier to use lying down    

Amy

Amy Smith is a nineteen year old girl whose passions in life are Irish coffee, reading and shoes (because as she says you can more easily find perfectly fitting shoes than clothes. Although alas that statement doesn't apply to me). She also happens to have been my best friend since I was two months old (she is two months younger).

She came to visit every Friday throughout every stage of my illness; during the years when I was in the dark, mute, underweight and unable to wash properly; the period when I was tube-fed and my Dad carried me downstairs every morning to my special 'day' room downstairs next to the guinea pigs; when I started to talk again; to recover enough to sit up and chat with her; eventually progressing to getting out of my room into the dining room. We would chat for about an hour and Mum would have made some home-made snack.
In September she went off to University in Reading so those times are now mostly a thing of the past except occasionally during the holidays. I do genuinely miss her. She was one of my few contacts with the outside world. Its so easy when your on your own-i-o all the time to get wrapped up in your own daft thoughts, to lose your grip on reality and let your problems grow untill they overpower you. Seeing someone else, even if you don't confide in them, puts your life into perspective. On your own its easy to lose that.

Amy is a proper friend as well; someone who knows you really well and will always remain a friend despite anything, whatever happens, if your naughty, you disagree on something or are terribly depressed. I mean I do have other people in my life, I have people I can text whom I've met on forums and a few other old schoolfriends. But they don't know me half as well and frequently I either feel I'm putting on an act or when I say what I really think they take it the wrong way and get offended. Espeically with my ME friends because I feel the problems I've encountered during my ME are generally ones my 'fellow' sufferers don't like to confront, also I've had a pretty severe, classic type that they don't all understand. Often lately I've felt are friendships are rather one-sided, they tell me their problems but I'm unable to tell them mine. I'm sorry if I'm sounding rather unkind

Amy went through my ME with me and understands better than anyone (apart from my parents) what I've been through.

The Chrysalis

I've finally started to notice a real difference in my health which I think is due to the Low Dose Naltrexone (LDN). In case you've forgotten this is a drug Dr Wight prescribed in September. For a while I only noticed a few slight improvements in my well being, which could be have been due to any of my other treatments, not the Naltrexone at all. However since Christmas I've started to notice some real, huge changes which I think can only have been caused by the Naltrexone. I feel like a butterfly chrysalis that is just reforming and is about to break from its cocoon.

The biggest difference is in my walking and standing. To be blunt I haven't been able to stand for 11 years or walk either, apart from a short period in 2009, when I was able to walk around the house but not like this. I'm much more stable and it doesn't leave my legs ache like it did before.

I'm now able to do 20-25 mins of yoga every day rather than 10 mins as before. Usually I do the stretches in the 'Before you start' section of my 'Yoga for common ailments' book and then some proper yoga postures from my 'Yoga for you' book. I've now restarted my chair yoga classes, after the Christmas break as well. I particularly emphasise the 'Cows Head' posture and the spinal stretches to try and correct (or at least manage) my scoliosis (crooked spine). I only do the prone and sitting asanas though as I still find holding standing postures difficult. I'm sure yoga has done divends to help my physical well being as, now I'm well enough to walk, disconditioning isn't stopping me from progressing

I have more stamina than I used to but still don't have as much energy as my peers. I spend about 3 to 3 and a half hours lying down, resting, but that could be due to my Mitochondria damage I suppose.

I finally feel like I'm well enough to do some formal study, also for the first time in 11 years, so I am feeling quite a lot better than I was all the same. I left school when I was eight so obviously failed to sit any GCSEs or A-levels. However I've decided to do some level one science courses with the OU which don't require any previous qualifications. The first one I'm doing starts in Feb and is called Neighbourhood Nature so I'm busy swotting up on my graphs and data analyse.

I've been reading up a bit more on LDN. According to the MSRC (Multiple Sclerosis Resource Centre) it works by 'the temporary inhibition of endorphins (a natural pain-killer, produced in the brain). This results in a reactive increase in the production of endorphins, which would expectedly result in a reduction in painful symptoms and an increase in the sense of wellbeing. In addition, increased levels of endorphins would also be expected to stimulate the immune system'. However under situations of stress or secondary virus/infection you can still experience flare ups of old symptoms, even relapses so maybe thats why it took a while for it to work for me? Due to the cold and dear Freddie? This info is all intended, of course, for MS sufferers

A few 'before LDN' pics like they have on 'Home and Garden' makeover programmes;

        

The above was taken a few years ago but still applied pretty well last Summer. I spent a lot of time lying down on the same bed with the same kind of expression.

Me at a weekend camp last Summer with my wheelchair.

And after LDN;!

Suspension

Hi all, happy new year :). Below are photos of the Foggy friends atc (artist trading card) swap specimens I received before Christmas

The above six are my favourite. Stupidly I forgot to take any photos of my own atc. My Grandma got me a load of card making stuff for my birthday, which is why I entered it, to use some of my stuff up.  

A model areoplane my brother got for Christmas

I received a letter in the post the other day saying Dr Wight has mysteriously suspended his clinic for the forseeable future. Nobody has a clue why. Lots of people on Foggy friends are grumbling about it, many people rely on him a great deal. Hopefully the reason isn't too serious though so he'll be able to start practising again soon.

In the meantime we will just have to continue with the treatments alone. Its a shame from the tests point of view as I'll be unable to have those now. I probably won't even be able to find a Dr to retest my Mitochondria function to see if the Infra-red has improved it

However there are ME sufferers who take Naltrexone without a Drs supervision so at least I shall probably be able to carry on accessing it.

He has recommended Zolperdem Tartrate for my sleep problems which started again in early Nov and leave me feel really rubbish (shattered, sore eyes, painful fuzzy head). It is addictive though so I can only take it occasionally. My sleep has improved the last couple of weeks though. On Sunday night I tried cutting down to 3 Melatonin tablets rather than four but slept badly again, felt very yucky, so have gone back to the original doseage. Its a pity that sleeping pills are the only thing that makes a significant difference to my sleep. I've tried cutting down on rests in case I'm underdoing it, getting fresh air and practising yoga every day but nothing like that works.

I managed to have a lovely Christmas and New year despite everything. On New years day we went out to lunch at Ickwork house, which as you can guess from the pic was delightful;

    

Christmas cards

Only two days till Christmas! It doesn't feel like it somehow though we have got a bit of snow this year though not as much as the rest of the country :). Perhaps I started getting ready too early (late Oct)

This year I bought Christmas cards from ME research to support them;

The ones below are sold out as you can see but you can still buy their ordinary notecards, pic below



I made a lot as well

I expect this'll be my last blog post before Christmas so I'll wish you all a happy one :) x

Christmas 'In my pocket'

I've finally bought all my Christmas presents and sent them off in the post. I did all my shopping online as usual, mostly from these websites;

http://www.rspcashop.co.uk/

All your Christmas needs in one place, cards, gifts and wrap, with the money going towards the RSPCA

http://www.naturalcollection.com/

Ethical and eco-sourced gifts

http://www3.snapfish.co.uk/snapfishuk/welcome

Personalised photo gifts and prints

http://www.amazon.co.uk/

My Mum bought a lot of prezzies here, brill website

I don't have much of a Christmas list of my own, specially after all the lovely b'day presents I had.  I've decided to subscribe to 'British wildlife' magazine after much deliberation. It has articles on British Natural history and Conservation, coloumns by various top naturalists and book reviews.

I've been dreaming of 'In my pocket'/'Animal Hospital' pets. I loved them when I was a kid

A 'Puppy in my pocket' beach hut

They even have 'ocean in my pocket' now! Coral reef playset

Animal hospital playset

 RSPCA 'perfect pets' cross stich kit

Sunshine guppys and massages

Or perhaps it'd be better to say Sunset guppies... I bought four yesterday which are beautiful and have cheered me up a lot though this photo doesn't display them at their best. Just was the only one I could find on the web. I intended to go bird watching but it was so cold my brains felt like they were starting to freeze, not to mention my sunglasses steam up so I decided to visit the water garden cum pet shop instead to restock my almost empty tank. Some details on them and a pic;

This entertaining fish is one of the most extensively bred and readily available fish of recent years. It makes a bright addition to the middle and top of the tank. Males (3cm) are clearly recognized by their brightly-coloured fan tail, whereas females are larger (6cm) and duller. Breeding is easy approximately at 4 week intervals; females give birth to live young. Bushy plants will provide cover for young fry and may allow a few to survive in a community tank. Females may already be pregnant when purchased. As females can store sperm, a female can give birth to several separate broods without a male. An undemanding fish, although due to captive breeding (all brightly coloured guppies are captive-bred), their hardiness is much reduced compared to wild guppies, and they have become more demanding of good water conditions.

I also bought some Cardinal tetras;

The cardinal tetra, Paracheirodon axelrodi, is a freshwater fish of the characin family (family Characidae) of order Characiformes. It is native to the upper Orinoco and Negro Rivers in South America.
Growing to about 3 cm (1.25 in) total length, the cardinal tetra has the striking iridescent blue line characteristic of the Paracheirodon species laterally bisecting the fish, with the body below this line being vivid red in color, hence the name "cardinal tetra". The cardinal tetra's appearance is similar to that of the closely related neon tetra, with which it is often confused; the neon's red coloration extends only about halfway to the nose, and the neon's blue stripe is a less vibrant blue, however.
The cardinal tetra is a very popular aquarium fish but is less widespread than the neon tetra because until recently it was difficult to breed in captivity. However, many breeders are now producing the fish; in most cases one can determine if the cardinal tetra is bred or wild caught due to damaged fins on wild caught specimens. Normally aquarists prefer to buy tank bred fish but some Brazilian ichthyologists believe that fishkeepers should continue to support the sustainable Cardinal fishery of the Amazon basin, since thousands of people are employed in the region to capture fish for the aquarium trade. It has been suggested that if those fishermen lost their livelihood catching Cardinals and other tropical fish, they might turn their attention to engaging in deforestation.

 and some baby tiger barbs to keep my single, remaining adult tiger barb company;

The Tiger Barb is one of the more widely kept members of the Barb family, especially because of its looks and behavior. They're small, very active, playful and usually not shy at all. One of the more well known traits of the Tiger Barbs is a tendency to "fin nip" on other fish. Long finned species such as Angels and Bettas are especially victimized. My experience has been that this behavior can be avoided if you keep them in small groups (5 or more). In this case they spend most of the time chasing each other around and tend to leave the other species alone. Lonely tiger barbs, on the other hand, seem to feel bored or insecure and start fin nipping as some sort of defensive instinct. A beautiful green strain and an albino variety are often available in fish shops.

Animals always make me feel more relaxed and warm, whether I'm reading about them, watching, or just cuddling the g-pigs. Its not just that the natural world fascinates me or distract me, reflecting on it puts everything into perspective somehow. Basically the study of the natural world is the study of the rich tapestry of life and it reminds you of the tivialness of your own existence, how fleeting our terrible civialisation is and the rightness of death.

Mum has also been giving me massages before I go to bed to help me relax more. This has helped my stress a lot. I now have no need to take any Melatonin whereas before I was taking 5 tablets! She is training to be a biodynamic massage therapist so its good for her to get lots of practice too

I'm seeing a alternative practitioner called Mark for counselling. His son has serious thyroid problems so I feel alright talking to him as he is used to sick teenagers and ignorant, scared Drs 

'When I grow up'

I've spent so long dreaming of living a healthy life that it seems weird to think I might ever have one now! Rather like someone whose lived on the street all their life dreaming of a warm home and a family. I've gone from saying 'When I'm better' to 'When I grow up' as the time I've been ill lenthened and I realised I'd be unlikly to recover before I became a grown up. I still use that phrase even though I am a grown up officially now, though I guess I am still a sort of teenager?

Some dreams for my future;

1. Volunteer for Suffolk Wildlife Trust or/and The Amateur Entomology society
2. Go to university to study some kind of Life science
3. Graduate and work as a freelance ecologist/zoologist/environmental campaigner
4. travel in Canada, South America and New Zealand (Ben, my brother and Hannah, his girlfriend are going to South America next year, lucky things!)
5. Swim, sail, dive, bike and Mambo dance
6. Live independently with 3 rats, a chinchilla called Pikachu (because chinchillas always remind me of him!, and guinea pigs naturally. Maybe even some chickens  

My Mum had another phone consultation yesterday with Dr Wight. He has recommended we increase the Naltrexone, have 2ml in the morning as well as 4.5 in the evening. He is pretty convinced I have XMRV and that the Naltrexone will help that so fingers crossed!

More videos/photos of Jeremy; my baby guinea pig come tiny terror

My angel :)